Praying for Terrorists: My Jonah Moment

Holly's latest blog entry on Today's Christian Woman magazine's website is now up:

Praying for Terrorists
Do American Christians have a right to be angry for 9/11?
http://blog.todayschristianwoman.com/walkwithme/2008/08/praying_for_terrorists.html

To ponder:
1) What are some examples of how anger might lead to other behaviors that are sinful?

2) Do you think people can be angry without sinning?

3) Consider the definition of forgive. Do you think it's possible to forgive someone without condoning their actions?

4) Do you think it's possible to forgive someone without restoring or creating a relationship with them?

5) Why, in your opinion, is it difficult to forgive?

"Be" Like Jesus? How Do I "Do" That?

Ever feel overwhelmed by the goals you're supposed to attain? By the projects you're supposed to finish? By the length of your to-do list, which seems to only be getting longer?

Today, I'm overwhelmed. I started classes on Wednesday and just received my three syllabi for the semester. Hubby and I were on vacation last week, so on this frightful day I unpacked, began to tackle the laundry (which was already overflowing before our vacation), and updated my to-do list (bills need paying, refrigerator is empty, my car needs a smog check immediately). Meanwhile, I'm stressfully thinking about the freelance project I should be working on, which is due next week, as well as my homework for school, which I should be doing, too.

Once I figure out a plan for all this work, I know it won't be impossible. Everything will get done, and it doesn't all need to happen today. But stress still hovers over me, with that gnawing desire to just be finished. And things, as you well know, are never finished.

In my spiritual life, I perpetually feel unfinished. And I resent it. Every time God brings about some big change in me, I want to relax and say, "OK, God, we're done, right?" I wish I could be completely transformed by God, and just done with it. I dread the emotional work and the pain of change that goes along with transformation.

I even try to make to-do lists as a Christian. I look at Jesus and, seeing my benchmark, I think, That's how I'm supposed to live. How can I reach that goal? What do I have to do to get to that point?

Why do I feel compelled to be completely sanctified in this life? It simply isn't possible--so why do I categorize this as yet another goal to be attained, as if there's some spiritual to-do list I can complete?

My pastor says I get wrapped up in "do-ing." This is true: I want to do stuff to grow spiritually, like serving, reading the "right" books, evangelizing, whatever. Just give me the tasks and I'll do them. Instead, my pastor says, I should just "be." This frustrates me to no end. What does it mean to "be"? And, I wonder, what do I have to do in order to be?

I suppose we desire to do stuff because that's what we see in our lives: Everything from our daily tasks to our long-term goals and dreams are measured by how much progress we've made. How many to-do's did we cross off our lists today? Did we do enough work to get a promotion, a good grade, or kudos? Am I a good wife because I got the laundry done and put a hot meal on the table? Am I a good daughter because I called my mom and made plans to get together? Am I a good worshipper because I listened to a sermon on tape, read three chapters of my Bible, and prayed for a sick friend?

As much as I hate endless work, I've realized I'd rather have a to-do list because at least I'm clear on what needs to be done. But to just be? How am I supposed to measure how effective I am at be-ing?

If I could buy into this idea of be-ing, it would be such a relief. Do-ing is an exhausting, unending cycle. After my classes are completed this semester, there will be more classes. After my freelance assignment is turned in, there will be more things to write. And, of course, the laundry will get dirty again.

Like do-ing, be-ing is ongoing, but there seems to be rest in it. It's present tense, in the moment, and without expectation. If I could learn to give God this present moment, to surrender continuously, I wouldn't have to worry about what has been or what will be.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to be content with your present situation, your character, and your life? Wouldn't it be wonderful to say, "Here am I, God. I'm tired of doing. I'm just going to be who you made me to be, and I'll let you be God and change me as you see fit."

I'm not there yet. But I want to be, without trying to figure out how to do this. Right now, a "yoke that's easy" and a "burden that's light" seem like contradictions. My to-do lists aren't easy or light. I hope I can let God show me what he means.

To ponder:

1) Do you measure your relationships with friends and family on how much you do for each other?

2) What do you think it means to "be" a good friend?

3) In your spiritual life, do you feel like you're mostly do-ing, or mostly be-ing?

4) What do you think it means to "just be" with God?

It's No "Secret": We Don't Always Know What We Want

An H-n-T reader writes:
"I'm a strong Christian, but I tend to struggle with believing in the law of attraction. For instance, I have skydived before, and one day, I thought it would be cool to go again. By the end of that day, I was skydiving. Now, I had the idea and thought more and more about it. Did I get to skydive because I thought about it and I attracted it? Or how was it that God gave this opportunity to me? I want to live for God, but some of The Secret has to be somewhat true, or is it of the devil?"

Holly sez:
Thanks for sharing this example of something you wanted and got. I completely relate, as when I was a New Ager, I deeply believed I could obtain whatever I wanted just by thinking about it. And for a long time, I was amazed when I did get those things. For example, I wanted to be interviewed by my college's alumni magazine, and about a year after I graduated, they published a two-page article on me.

I don't chalk that up to coincidence or good fortune; I know I appeared in the magazine because I wanted to be in it. But I now recognize I wasn't mentally manipulating others to do my will. Getting what I wanted had to do with establishing relationships and subtly expressing my desires. I knew the magazine editor well and was freelancing for him at the time. I'd had many personal conversations with him, and told him how much I loved my full-time job as a reporter for a community newspaper. He happened to appreciate community newspapers and had wanted to feature someone in the alumni magazine who worked in publishing. So even though I never directly said, "Hey, profile me in the magazine!" I got what I wanted because I was seeking out that opportunity.

Of course, no one needs to be so subtle to get what they want. I once asked an employer why I hadn't gotten a promotion, and he told me, "Holly, I didn't know you wanted one." After that, I got promoted into the positions I wanted because: 1) I worked hard and wanted to do well in the company, and 2) my boss knew my goals.

Much of the time, the things we want are available to us if we're willing to work for them and are seeking opportunities. I'd say you got to skydive a second time because you really wanted to do this. You enjoyed your first experience, so you were alert to the opportunity of skydiving again and you made the desire known in some way.

Now for the spiritual perspective: James 1:17 reads, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." This doesn't say, "You'll get everything you want," but it also doesn't say God withholds good things. One thing's for sure: God isn't interested in giving us the bad things we may want.

Before I became a Christian, the things I wanted often weren't good for me. I wanted random guys to notice me or for someone to give me free alcohol. I constantly wanted people to tell me that I was talented, attractive, and cool. Back then, I believed the law of attraction worked because I got those things that I wanted. I got noticed and praised, and for awhile, everything was fun. But soon, I was left feeling painfully empty—the things I wanted were unsatisfying. Worse, I didn't know what I wanted anymore. I felt incompetent, unable to choose good things for myself. When I saw my own lack, I began to believe there had to be a God who was smarter and more competent than me. I wanted that God to give me direction and purpose. It took me nearly 10 years to become humble enough to have a relationship with God; I had to un-learn the habit of trying to control everything and everyone around me.

My friend Kevin says he doesn't believe God says "no" to the good things we want for ourselves. Rather, God says, "Yes—and I have something better for you." In other words, God always gives us the "good and perfect" blessing. The things we want might be good, but they might not be as perfect as what God wants to give us.

My friend Becky had been dating a guy, and that relationship was negatively affecting her relationship with God. When Becky prayed about her desire to have a good relationship with both a boyfriend and with God, God's response was, "Yes, Becky—and I have something better for you." Becky then did a scary thing by letting go of what she thought she'd wanted. She broke up with her boyfriend. She trusted that God would eventually give her a good and perfect relationship with a man. She didn't have to wait long; soon after the breakup, Becky met Trevor, a wonderful Christian man. I had the privilege of attending their wedding.

As for the question: How did God give you that skydiving trip? I'm sure you'll agree that skydiving was a good and perfect gift for you. (Not so much for me—planes, high places, and the feeling of weightlessness all freak me out!) At the moment you had the opportunity to go, you had the resources: perhaps money and time to go, and a body that was healthy enough for the activity. About a year ago, I was able to start dance lessons, and I immediately recognized this was a gift from God. God's given my husband a great job, so there's enough money in our budget for me to dance. Since God's given me the opportunity to work at home, I set my own schedule; thus, I can make time for my dance classes. And God's given me a healthy body, with two legs that are strong enough to jump around.

We need to be willing to talk to God about our desires, and to let go of what we think we want so God can give us something better. I now feel very comfortable praying, "God, these are the things I want with all my heart. You already know what I feel passionate about. And you know what's best for me. Please bless me with the good and perfect gifts that only you can give."

We should have personal goals and desires, and it's OK to make our wishes known to other people. But first, the Christ-follower should talk to God about the things we want. Then he will move us toward the true desires of our hearts and give us something even better than we'd imagined.

To ponder:
1) What do you really want? If you don't know, ask God to help clarify what is good and perfect for you.

2) Gratitude keeps us from becoming entitled and selfish. Make a list of five things for which you're thankful. Next to each, write how you are specifically grateful to God and others.

For example: "I'm thankful for my blogs. Thank you, God, for giving me the opportunity to write them. Thank you for the many people who give me great ideas to write about. I'm especially thankful for my friends Angela and LaTonya, who are always willing to read and edit my posts. Thank you for honest friends who give me truthful feedback. Thank you for providing time for me to write, and for the ability to pull my thoughts together into sentences. Thank you for providing teachers and editors who taught me about grammar and structure, and resources like this computer and the Blogger website that make it possible for me to write. (Wow, I'm so thankful that there are folks who have the ability to design and make stuff like computers and websites!) Thank you, God, for providing me the means to receive so much joy."

MORE:
"The Secret" Versus The Bible

Is the Real "Secret" that Some People Are Better Than Others?

The Meme Challenge, Day Two: Being a Representative of Christ

(For more on the Meme challenge, see: "Tag, I'm 'It'")

Day 2
On representing Jesus

I sometimes get a little scared when people ask me, “What do you do for a living?” I gauge their reaction, watching their body language as I say, “I’m in seminary right now, and I write for several Christian magazines.” Some people shuffle around uncomfortably, or they look away from me. Some light up with big smiles across their faces. And some nod matter-of-factly, as if I’d said, “I’m a file clerk at the library.”

I get scared because the moment I say it, I know some people will classify me. Some will think I’m judging them because “Christians think they’re perfect” (I’ve been told as much). Others will express enthusiasm that I’m a member of “the club” (I’ve been told something along these lines, too—ew!). I wonder if some Christians will dismiss me because I don't meet their high, holy expectations. And among those who aren't believers, I worry that my words and actions will define Christianity for them; perhaps they won't want to look any further after they've met me!

This scares me because I’m a Christ-follower—I’m not Jesus Christ. I’m one of the king’s messengers, not the king. I’m troubled when I’m told to “be Jesus,” or that I’m the “only Jesus some will ever see.” This too often is a call to act perfect, happy, and complete; we become like the Pharisee in this parable Jesus told:
___________

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'

"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

"I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (Mark 18:9-14)
___________

I want people to see my flaws and shortcomings, so they will understand my need for Jesus—and hopefully, theirs, too. And I really want to become comfortable just being myself, as God created me to be.

To ponder:
1) Why is it difficult to let others see our flaws, shortcomings, needs, and dependence?

2) Consider 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. According to the Apostle Paul, why is weakness important?

3) Why do you need Jesus? How would you explain this to someone?

MORE:
Is the Perfect Christian Coalition My Biggest Critic?

Atheists Get Vocal When Christians Get Arrogant

Generation Exodus: Why do so many young people leave the church?

The Meme Challenge, Day One: Why Does God Allow Suffering?

(For more on the Meme challenge, see: "Tag, I'm 'It'")

Day 1
On My Biggest Faith Struggle

I wonder why God allows suffering.

There are plenty of good reasons for suffering offered in Scripture: to discipline or to prevent sin (Hebrews 12:7, 11; 2 Corinthians 12:7); to develop perseverance, character and spiritual maturity (Romans 5:3-5; James 1:2-4); to prepare us to comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:3-4); to provide opportunities to share our faith and spread the news about Jesus (Philippians 1:12); to follow Jesus’ example and thus bring honor to him (1 Peter 4:12-14); and to show genuine faith and thus bring honor to God (1 Peter 1:6-7).

And I know we live in a tainted, broken world. Humanity and the entire world is imperfect because, by failing to give proper respect to God, we’ve distanced ourselves from the perfection that is God. Yet the all-powerful God who made us doesn’t force us into obedience. God wants real love and respect—these aren’t real if they’re not given freely (if you had to pay people to be nice to you, could you really call them your friends?). So suffering reminds us that we aren’t self-sufficient, and it can cause us to consider God.

Still, it’s hard to get my head around suffering because of the simple question, “If God is good (if his nature and character is absolutely good) and he loves us, then why does he allow bad things to happen to us?” Parents allow their children to make mistakes, and they punish their kids when they misbehave. But would a good parent punish their good child? Does God allow bad things to happen to people who love him in order to keep things fair, or balanced, so humans won’t automatically obey God out of fear (“If I obey God, nothing bad will ever happen to me.”)? Does suffering keep our love genuine? The questions go on and on.

I’m actually glad I have questions and faith struggles. If I understood everything about an all-knowing, all-powerful deity, I’d either be a deity myself (and I’m quite certain I’m not) or I’d be lying to myself about my ability to comprehend God. To me, doubt is an essential part of faith.

To ponder:
1) What questions do you have about God and suffering?

2) What is your biggest faith struggle?

MORE:
Questioning God: Is It OK to Wonder Why He Allows Suffering?

Room for Doubt: The Faith Crises of Bill Lobdell, Mother Teresa, and Holly

More Thoughts on Faith (Or Lack Thereof)

Tag, I'm "It"

LaTonya of GospelGal.com tagged me with a meme. A “meme,” apparently, is an idea that’s spread from blog to blog. Which means: I still don’t know what it means.

I will, however, play along, as LaTonya is a good buddy and it seems I’m “it” at the moment. Besides, it's cool to be the it-girl for once.

Here are the rules of this meme:
1) Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2) Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.

3) Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.

4) Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Since I tend to prattle on and on, I’m gonna talk about seven concepts I think about a lot, and I’ll do this over seven days in seven posts. Here are the topics I’ll discuss this week:

-On my biggest faith struggle
-On representing Jesus
-On dancing
-On homosexuality
-On being pro-life
-On community
-On spiritual gifts

Please send me an email if you’d like your blog to get tagged and play this goofy little game. Or you can nominate somebody’s blog that you like (or, perhaps more appropriately, someone you don’t like). I will tag seven people at the end of the week.

Wearing Faith on Our Sleeves

Holly's latest blog entry on Today's Christian Woman magazine's website is now up:

Secondhand Witnessing
We can’t expect T-shirts, jewelry, and bumper stickers to do all the work.
http://blog.todayschristianwoman.com/walkwithme/2008/07/secondhand_witnessing.html

To ponder:
1) Think about your actions (the way you live) and your friendships (particularly, the way you listen). How do these factor into the way you witness?

2) In The Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20), Jesus instructs us to "make disciples." What are some attributes of disciples--what does it take to be a disciple? What does it take to make a disciple?

3) Think about someone with whom you'd like to share your faith. How much do you know about them personally? How much time do you spend with them socially? How much do you know about their spiritual background? (For example, how do they view God? How do they view organized religion? If they went to church and/or believed in God in the past, why did they stop?)

4) Some people perceive Christians as snobby perfectionists who look down on others. Sometimes, the most effective way to witness is to reveal where you've struggled and failed, and how God has helped you through rough times. How well do others know you? Think about specific stories that illustrate your struggles/failure so you'll be prepared if you get the opportunity to share these.

Is It Wrong for Abused Spouses to Divorce?

From Holly's "Walk With Me" blog:

Barbara writes: My marriage ended after 22 years of physical abuse. I took my vows seriously and hung in there, even learned Tae Quan Do to stop the abuse. It still hurts to read about divorce in the Bible and sometimes I wish I had stayed, but I felt my life was in danger by the time I filed. Not easy to do. Marriage is so wonderful when done right and such hell when not.

Holly says: Barbara, thank you for sharing your personal story. It brings up a very important point: God doesn't expect us to stay in physically abusive relationships. While there are passages that instruct Christians to "turn the other cheek," this is about insult, not injury. There's nothing in the Bible that indicates God expects a spouse to continue to be injured.

Instead, the Bible instructs that men should love their wives as Christ loves the church. The passage in Ephesians 5 is often read starting at verse 22, which states that wives should submit to their husbands. But we should also consider verse 21, which says all believers—women and men alike—should "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (emphasis mine).

Further, 1 Corinthians 13 tells us what love isn't: It's not self-seeking or easily angered, and it doesn't delight in evil.

Love is kind. It always protects.

The Law in the Old Testament instructed the Jewish people to treat each other well. For example, the Law provides very specific instruction on how slaves were to be treated fairly and with kindness. If a man married his slave, he was obligated to always provide her with food, clothing, and sexual relations. If he denied her these things, she was legally able to leave him as a free woman—an example of a woman being free to divorce.

Another example of divorce is found in 1 Corinthians 7:15: If an unbelieving spouse leaves a believer, "let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances." In this passage, the apostle Paul instructs the believer to stay in the marriage unless their unbelieving spouse wants to call it quits. I think it's important for us to recognize we can't expect unbelievers to follow the same moral standards that are set for Christians in the Bible; unbelievers haven't made a commitment to obey God.

In marriage, we publicly make vows to each other before God. Couples make a covenant with each other and with God. If a partner becomes abusive, they've broken the covenant with both their spouse and with God. And if the abusive partner is unwilling to change their behavior, I believe God recognizes the marriage covenant as broken—the abused person is released from their obligation.

Barbara, I hope you will find continued peace and healing.